


Catatonic

by hondansadeensommar



Series: Multifandom Hurt/Comfort Oneshots [15]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Abuse, catatonic state, psychological treatment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 22:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19732765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hondansadeensommar/pseuds/hondansadeensommar
Summary: “He isn’t answering… he isn’t doing anything.”





	Catatonic

“Where’s Jongho- _yah_?”Hongjoong looked around the room at Yeosang’s question, suddenly realizing that the _maknae_ was nowhere to be found - something that didn’t make sense given the fact that Seonghwa had yelled for the whole group to come into the living room for dinner.The _maknae_ was usually the first one to come running when it was time to get food.

“I’ll go get him,” Hongjoong replied, heading down the hall to the room the _maknae_ shared with Mingi before anyone else could respond.

Hongjoong had noticed earlier in the day that Jongho had been a bit more subdued than usual, but that was something Hongjoong had expected.Jongho always got depressed as they approached the end of summer.While the other members didn’t know the full story behind Jongho’s past, the _maknae_ had confided in Hongjoong shortly after they’d met and that made Hongjoong particularly aware of changes in the _maknae_ ’s behavior.

Jongho’s past was purposely kept a secret from Atiny, because the younger man hated talking about it.The other members knew that he’d lived with his grandparents starting in his second year of middle school, but only Hongjoong had been privy to the full story behind why Jongho’s grandparents had taken custody.Jongho’s mother had passed away shortly after his birth, and his father had remarried before Jongho’s second birthday.The relationship between his father and stepmother had been volatile, and Jongho had often borne the brunt of their anger.Hongjoong had seen the scars on the backs of Jongho’s thighs from being beaten so badly he’d bled, and he’d held the _maknae_ as he’d sobbed after telling Hongjoong the whole story and promised that he wouldn’t tell anyone else unless he was afraid that Jongho was in danger.

Most of the time, Jongho was fine; his grandparents had gotten him into therapy immediately after they had gotten custody, and most of the time Jongho was happy and in a good place mentally.But the end of summer was always difficult for him, and it was only a matter of time before Jongho fully withdrew into himself for a few days.The others had seen it happen, of course; they weren’t completely oblivious to the way their _maknae_ ’s mental health deteriorated temporarily, before he bounced back to himself.But Hongjoong was the only one that knew the full story behind the boy’s mental health issues and why they seemed to show up like clockwork every summer.

Seeing the _maknae_ stretched across his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling without reacting at all to the sound of Hongjoong entering the room was unsettling. 

“Jongho- _yah_?” Hongjoong asked softly, moving to sit down on the side of the bed where he could see the younger man’s face.“Can you look at me, Jongho- _yah_?”No matter how many times Hongjoong had seen it happen, it never got any easier to deal with the fact that Jongho wasn’t fully there.Normally he would do _something_ whenever another person entered the room, even if he was starting to shut down.But the complete lack of a response - and the fact that it had happened so quickly after they had gotten home from their schedules for the day - terrified Hongjoong.There had always been _something_ to indicate that Jongho was still there - he had at least been capable of following simple commands during his previous episodes.But this time there was nothing.If it wasn’t for the slow, steady rise and fall of his chest and the way his eyes slowly blinked occasionally, Hongjoong would have been worried about whether or not the boy was even still alive.

“Is he already that far gone?” Seonghwa asked softly, from the doorway.

“He isn’t answering… he isn’t doing anything,” Hongjoong replied, reaching out to stroke a hand through the _maknae_ ’s hair. 

“ _Aish_ … he’s never gone fully catatonic before…” Seonghwa commented.“Should we call a manager?If it’s this bad…”

“No,” Hongjoong replied, shaking his head.“Not yet.He does this every summer… we’re going to give him some time.”

“Hongjoong- _ah_ …” Seonghwa began.

“I can’t send him to the hospital, Seonghwa- _yah_ …” Hongjoong replied, shaking his head.“You don’t know what I know… fuck, God knows how long they’ll hospitalize him for if we do have to take him in.”

There was a prolonged moment of silence, before Seonghwa sighed.“He doesn’t do _this_ every summer, though.He gets quiet, and he won’t talk or get out of bed without being told to go use the bathroom or drink somethingfor a few days.Jongho- _yah_ doesn’t go completely catatonic.”

Hongjoong couldn’t argue with the older man’s words.“Fuck… I don’t know what to do, Seonghwa- _yah_.This isn’t exactly something they teach you how to handle when they make you leader…” Hongjoong replied, reaching up to run a hand through his hair.

“That’s what the managers are for, Joong,” Seonghwa replied.“I’ll go make the call… stay with him, try and get him to respond.”

Hongjoong nodded, turning back to the _maknae_ and stroking a hand through his hair.“I’m sorry for this, _aegi_ ,” Hongjoong commented, moving his hand to the man’s chest and pressing his knuckles into the bone in the center of Jongho’s chest.Hongjoong couldn’t help feeling sick when Jongho didn’t respond, no matter how much pressure he put behind the movement.“ _Aish_ … give me something… do _something_ …”

“ _Hyung_?”Hongjoong turned to look at Mingi, who looked concerned.“What’s wrong with Jongho- _yah_?”

Hongjoong shook his head, turning back to look at the _maknae_.“I don’t really know, Mingi- _yah_ ,” he replied.“I know what causes him to shut down, and why he doesn’t want to talk about it with anyone else.I can’t blame him for that.But this… he doesn’t respond at all.I know I’m hurting him, but he does nothing.It isn’t just that he’s shut down - it’s like he’s gone…”

“Shit…” Mingi whispered.

“Seonghwa- _yah_ is calling a manager now… we’re going to take him to the hospital, get this all sorted out,” Hongjoong replied.“He’s going to be okay.It might take a little while - they might have to admit him for a few days - but he’s going to be okay.”

***

“It’s time for you’re medication…”Jongho looked up at the nurse, who smiled at him as she scanned his hospital bracelet to pull up his chart on her computer.“Can you verify your name and date of birth for me?”

“Choi Jongho.October 12th, 2000.”Jongho watched silently as the nurse confirmed that his words matched what was on her screen.“When can I get out of here?”

“That’s up to your doctor to decide,” the nurse replied, as she started to open the individually packaged pills and put them into the little plastic cup.“You’re on a 72-hour psychiatric hold for the moment, while we attempt to come up with a diagnosis.After that, it will depend on how you’re responding to treatment and whether or not you’re stable enough to be released.”

“So you’re medicating me without knowing what’s wrong with me,” Jongho replied, looking down into the plastic cup.“What are you giving me, anyway?What are these pills?”

“Lorazepam treatment will prevent further episodes of catatonia.And the haloperidol is intended to prevent paradoxical reactions to the lorazepam,” the nurse replied.“Diagnosis is impossible if you’re unable to communicate with your treatment team.And without a diagnosis, we can’t determine what we need to do next to keep you stable in the future.”

Jongho shook his head.“I’m not doing medication long-term,” he replied.“I’m fine…”

“Jongho- _ssi_ … dropping into a catatonic state is not anyone’s definition of ‘fine.’Whatever is going on in your head, even if you don’t understand… we need to get that sorted out,” the nurse replied.“We want to help you, Jongho- _ssi_.Depending on what the final diagnosis is, medication could be a temporary measure to help you remain stable during psychotherapy.Or it could be a permanent part of your treatment plan, depending on the root cause of your issues.But right now, you need to take those pills.”

“ _Yah_ … you aren’t being a brat here, too, are you Jongho- _yah_?”Jongho looked up at the sound of Seonghwa’s familiar voice, before immediately turning to look back at the bedding when he saw Seonghwa and Hongjoong standing there.Logically, he knew that he shouldn’t feel angry with the group’s two oldest members; they had only called for help because they were worried about him.But he couldn’t help feeling upset with the fact that he was in the hospital because of them. 

“You need to take your medication,” the nurse prodded, pushing the plastic cup of water closer to him as well. 

“What if I refuse the medication?” Jongho asked.

“There’s a high likelihood that you’ll relapse into a catatonic state without the lorazepam,” the nurse replied.“Without the haloperidol, there’s the risk of additional psychiatric symptoms with the lorazepam.Either one could potentially delay your release from the hospital.”

Jongho sighed, taking the pills and swallowing each of them quickly, followed by the water.“I need to verify that you swallowed them, too…”

Jongho opened his mouth, moving his tongue so that the woman could see that he wasn’t trying to hide the pills anywhere.“Is that it?” he asked.

“For now.Your doctor should be here soon,” the nurse replied, cleaning up before leaving the Jongho alone with his _hyungs_.

There was a prolonged, awkward silence as Jongho stared down at the bed while Seonghwa set something up on the little table.“We brought you something to eat… figured you wouldn’t want to be stuck eating hospital food,” Hongjoong commented.

“I don’t want to be in the hospital,” Jongho replied, refusing to look at the older men.“I’m not hungry.”

“Jongho- _yah_ …” Seonghwa began.

Jongho shook his head, closing his eyes and turning away from his _hyungs_.“Please just go.I don’t want to talk…” Jongho replied.

Unfortunately for Jongho, it was clear that Seonghwa and Hongjoong weren’t going to give up so easily, as he felt someone climbing into the bed and wrapping their arms around him, pulling him so that he was leaning back against the older man’s chest.“We _need_ to talk about it,” Seonghwa commented.“ _Aegi_ … just hear us out.Do you even remember what lead up to you being admitted last night?”

“Why does it matter?” Jongho asked.“This isn’t what I wanted, _hyung_.I can do this on my own…”

“Jongho- _yah_ … this wasn’t like the other times you’ve shut down on us,” Hongjoong replied softly.The leader had moved around the bed at some point, moving a chair so that he could look Jongho in the eye as he sat.Jongho hadn’t even registered the older man’s movements, which worried him.“You were completely unresponsive.I did everything I could to get your attention… we even did things that we knew would hurt you, trying to just get _some_ kind of reaction out of you.All you would do was stare at the ceiling, and occasionally blink.You didn’t even flinch when they put in your IV, or when they gave you the shot of lorazepam to try and bring you back…”

Jongho closed his eyes, the tears stinging in them as he realized just how terrifying it must have been.“I don’t remember…”

“You see why we felt that we had to bring you in, don’t you?” Seonghwa asked softly.

“Do they really have to keep me here?” Jongho asked.“Why can’t I go home?I’m okay now… I’m talking.I’ll even take the stupid medication if it will make people feel better…”

“ _Aegi…_ ” Hongjoong began.

“Please, _hyung_ … please talk to them,” Jongho begged.He felt Seonghwa’s arms tightening around him, as the eldest stroked a hand through his hair in an attempt at comforting him.

“Jongho- _yah_ … you know that we’re going to do whatever is best for you,” Seonghwa replied.“You aren’t in a good place right now.And we don’t even actually know what’s going on yet, _aegi_.Clearly there’s something wrong here…”

“I know that you aren’t happy with the idea, Jongho- _yah_ ,” Hongjoong replied.“But you have to understand where we’re coming from here, too.We’re all worried about what’s going to happen if we don’t figure this out…”

“I don’t… I don’t think I can do this, _hyung_ ,” Jongho replied softly.“I don’t think I can talk about everything… it didn’t work the last time…” 

Seonghwa stiffened at Jongho’s words, reaching up to stroke a hand through Jongho’s hair.“Wait… what didn’t work last time?” Seonghwa asked.

“Therapy…” Jongho replied, closing his eyes.“I went for years, and I still do this…”

“That doesn’t mean it won’t work this time,” Hongjoong commented.Jongho felt the older man taking his hand and squeezing it gently.“Maybe you just need to find the right doctor, or the right combination of medications…”

“I don’t want to be medicated… I don’t want to turn into a fucking zombie…” Jongho replied.“I can’t live like that, _hyungs_ … the last time they put me on medication, I ended up in even worse shape than I was before the pills…”

Jongho felt Seonghwa hugging him tightly.“Hey, hey… it’s okay,” Seonghwa replied.“We’re going to be here, okay?All of your _hyungs_ are going to be here for you, through whatever happens.And we’re going to make sure that you’re okay… whatever it takes, okay, _aegi_?”

Jongho nodded slowly, relaxing into the older man’s arms.“Okay.”

***

It felt strange being back in the dorm, curled up under his favorite blanket on the couch watching some mindless variety program on television.One of the group’s managers was camped out on the other end of the couch, keeping an eye on him while the rest of the group was at the company building working on something for their next release.Jongho had asked about going to work that afternoon when he’d been released from the hospital, but his doctor had insisted that Jongho take the rest of the day to rest and deal with the side effects of his new medications.

While Jongho still wasn’t a fan of the idea of being medicated, it had been one of his doctor’s requirements for being released at the end of his 72-hour hold.The psychiatrist had explained that without at least the lorazepam, Jongho was still at risk of relapsing into some degree of catatonia and Jongho had agreed to staying on the medication for a couple of weeks.The doctor had also prescribed escitalopram to treat his depression after multiple long discussions about his previous experience with antidepressants and all of Jongho’s concerns about being on the medication.

“Jongho- _yah_?”Jongho blinked a few times, turning to look at Seonghwa and smiling at the older man.

“You’re back early, _hyung_ ,” Jongho commented, before leaning into the older man’s offer of a hug. 

“Hongjoong- _ah_ sent most of us home, while he and Mingi- _yah_ stayed behind to finish a couple of things we’re going to work on tomorrow,” Seonghwa replied, stroking a hand through Jongho’s hair.“We start comeback preparations in the morning… the company isn’t setting dates yet, because they want to see how you’re doing first, but we’re going to start learning the new songs and getting ready to record in the morning.”There was a brief moment of silence, before Jongho felt the older man shifting to look at his face.“How are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” Jongho replied.“My head has been hurting a little, and I’m kind of tired.But they said those are pretty typical side effects…”

“You’re spacing out on us a bit… are you sure you’re okay?” Seonghwa asked.

Jongho nodded, smiling at the older man.“I’m really okay, _hyung_.I’ve been kind of dozing on and off most of the day because of the meds.I’m trying to stay awake, but I guess I might have dozed off a few times…”

Seonghwa nodded, smiling at Jongho.“I’m making kimchi stew for dinner, _aegi_ … do you want to come help me?” the eldest asked.“Maybe it will help keep you awake until a more reasonable time to go to bed.”

“I like that idea,” Jongho replied, smiling at the older man.


End file.
